Guilt and shame over enjoying a massage is more common than one would expect. Many feel guilt over relaxing and doing nothing. Others feel guilt over pampering themselves. Some feel guilt over spending the money. And others again feel guilt over enjoying the physical touch and the sensuality of the massage.
Most of these things you can speak about with others. But enjoying touch is a taboo, sexualizing touch is considered a very bad thing. Hence the impossibility for most to speak about it with anyone.
It is completely natural to enjoy a touch. Touch is by nature pleasant and enjoyable. But in our society there’s unfortunately often only two types of touch. The violent touch and the erotic touch. We have a tendency to think of any pleasant touch as sexual.
Guilt and shame then arises when something we know logically to be a pleasant non-sexual touch is felt as sexual. A massage of sensitive areas gives an erection and a coincidental brush against the private parts becomes sexually charged. This is also true for women, though much less visible than on men.
It’s important to realize that the sexualizing of touch is a social conditioning. It’s a result of how we were raised and the society we live in. It’s something we’ve been taught from a young age and as result it’s become a habit, part of who and what we are.
Much practice and concentration is needed to fully disassociate pleasant touch from sexual touch. We need to focus on conditioning ourselves to accept enjoyable touch as non-sexual. Once the association between pleasant touch and sexual touch has been broken, arousals during massages will practically disappear.
Some find it necessary to masturbate after receiving a massage as the touch and physical closeness creates an arousal. Allowing for this need to be sated can have the unfortunate side-effect of even more strongly associate massage and touch with sexual pleasure. This will in return intensify the bodily reactions during a massage, which can be embarrassing for both therapist and client.
The answer to the question on how to break this social conditioning is rather simple. You need to keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong in enjoying a massage, nor is there anything wrong in arousal during different situations. Arousal happens to us all several times a day in many different situations. So guilt and shame are unfounded. They only serve to make the situation even harder to deal with.
In order to break the conditioning, it’s important to disassociate touch and sexual pleasure. So instead of thinking about the nice massage while masturbating, use another fantasy or scenery instead. Or find pleasure with your lover and do not think of the massage which brought the arousal. It is a bit in the same league as the saying “Gather appetite out, eat at home.” We receive sexual inspiration from many different sources.
It is important that it’s not the massage that’s used as inspiration during masturbation, but something completely unrelated. This way you avoid conditioning yourself to even further associate pleasant touch with sexual touch. The intent of receiving the massage should not become sexually charged. The intent of a massage should be to relax and let go, enjoying touch without expecting anything sexual to happen.
Changing conditionings are difficult, habits can be very hard to break. It will take conscious effort to succeed, and for some obtaining help and guidance from a professional might be what will make the real difference. Do keep in mind though, the conditioning is not a sickness or abnormality. It’s a natural part of our society and upbringing.